My dirty new hobby

A ‘haipu’,
by yours truly:

I have a new hobby:
Collecting gifts on my walks...
Dogshit in plastic.

I embarked upon a new hobby recently: taking photographs of the little presents the local dog-owners have left for me to find on my walks and cart to the dog poop bin for them.

The dog poop bin
(which is too far away for some folks)

These gifts are all wrapped up in little plastic bags, tidily knotted at the neck; some just dropped by the wayside, others hanging artistically from tree branches.

Dogshit artfully hanging from a bush
Some contributors are quite imaginative

These folk are so kind, caring and thoughtful to leave these donations just for me.

It’s like a game; a treasure hunt! It’s so considerate of the dog owners to select appropriately coloured bags for their contributions so that they blend in to the scene, making them harder to spot from a distance. I guess they must carry stocks of several different-coloured bags so they can choose an appropriate one. It would be no fun at all if they all used dayglo neon bags, that would make it far too easy.

On these walks, it’s necessary to keep my eyes peeled… not just for the presents I can pick up, but particularly for those at my feet that, quite frankly, I’m not enough of a coprophiliac to touch. These are much, much harder to see, and far easier to step on accidentally.

There are some participants in this game about whom I can’t make up my mind… they’re either experts, who intentionally make it harder for me (and expect me to carry my own plastic bags for their deposits, to boot) or they are novices who haven’t yet caught on to the need, or perhaps lack the required dexterity, to scoop the poop – or, perhaps, like me, they’re trying to reduce their use of polluting plastic: but surely they don’t expect me to put the stuff in my pockets?

One has to keep one’s eyes peeled…
An absolutely delightful rest spot

A few weeks ago, I discovered one souvenir that had been dropped only a few yards from the poop bin. I’d snapped it and picked it up, then retraced my steps to make a deposit, grumbling uncharitably under my breath all the way like an irrepressible curmudgeon.

There was another in almost the same spot yesterday; I sighed and left it there, thinking I’d collect it on my return.

As I carried on up the hill, I passed a (dogless) man and we exchanged cheery “Good morning!”s. Continuing on, I berated myself for not having snapped a photo of my latest offering: it suddenly struck me that he, passing it, might pick it up and dispose of it himself, in which case it would be forever lost to my collection. (What a tragedy!) But that got me wondering whether those who dropped these donations might themselves be at the beginning of their own constitional, and leave them, not for me, but with the intent of picking them up on their way back, rather than be lumbered with them on their perambulation.

On top: 28Nov2021. On the bottom: 03Jan2022
Can you see the dog poop bin? It’s so very, very far away…

And so, on my way back about an hour later, I kept my eyes peeled. Several paces away from where I’d seen it earlier, I still couldn’t see it… and then I did, and realized that it had been neatly camouflaged: a green plastic bag in green grass. Thus I was able to add this latest endowment to my collection after all. The chap I’d passed earlier had clearly left it for me out of the goodness of his heart (though how he knew about my hobby is completely beyond me); and perhaps the original contributor, assuming that they had intended to recover it, simply hadn’t passed by that way again yet. Or maybe they had, and their mind had been engrossed elsewhere and they’d not noticed it (to be fair, that would be easily done: it was quite well disguised).

These folk are so kind, caring and thoughtful.

I’d like to meet them one day, for a pleasant little chat.

About peNdantry

Phlyarologist (part-time) and pendant. Campaigner for action against anthropogenic global warming (AGW) and injustice in all its forms. Humanist, atheist, notoftenpist. Wannabe poet, writer and astronaut.
This entry was posted in ... wait, what?, Culture, Dogshit gallery, Environment, Just for laughs, Phlyarology and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to My dirty new hobby

  1. A beautiful post and yet a sad commentary!
    Laugh On

    Liked by 2 people

  2. pennross says:

    Find those same gifts on my walks :(

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That almost made me chuckle. Almost.

    I actually was pleasantly (?) surprised to learn that the people in your part of the world actually bag the poop. Most people in my neighborhood actually pick up (and toss) the poop, so I shouldn’t be complaining, but I’ve seen enough in the past. However, I’ve NEVER seen wrapped-up poop continuously left behind. The one by the bench makes me think that someone put it there as they sat down. Then, they got distracted with their phone and forgot about it when they left. I really think it was an accident. Plus, at least it’s not hidden in the grass. Right? Dude, I don’t know about the rest. Just weird.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. We are definitely their slaves… even picking up their excrement! Geesh! 🙄 My back doesn’t like it!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Toonsarah says:

    I see this round my way too, bagging the poop but then leaving it hanging on a tree. I don’t get it! Surely scooping and bagging is the hard part of the exercise? After that it shouldn’t be much trouble to carry the bag until you find a suitable bin???

    Liked by 2 people

    • peNdantry says:

      I don’t get it, either. Even if I could catch someone in the act and ask them why, I’m pretty sure they’d probably claim that they were planning to pick it up on their way back.

      (I’m not sure I’d want to risk that, anyway, as they might sic their dog on me…)

      Liked by 1 person

  6. revruss1220 says:

    Why do people do this??? It boggles my mind. They go to the trouble of picking up the poop in the bag and tying the knot, (good for you, chap!) but then can’t be bothered to take it one step further and toss it in the BIN!

    Good work with your project. And Gid bless you.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Herb says:

    I used to think I didn’t like dogs but lately I think I don’t like dogowners. Aggravation!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Forestwood says:

    Makes me wonder what they do with used tissues or their own….

    Liked by 4 people

  9. I hear u says:

    Actually, mostly in village

    Liked by 2 people

  10. This is such a great post. Sharp as a whip and bob on with it. It’d be technically better for the environment if they didn’t bag them up at all rather than bag and leave on paths etc. If they use recyclable bags and leave them they’re halfway to being good people but are snoozing at the last pot. The ones hung from the trees, turdy fruits are the worst, some kind of guilt assuaging going on in a twisted mind there, asking some one else, like your very good self, to untie and take where they should have gone. As to this – “But that got me wondering whether those who dropped these donations might themselves be at the beginning of their own constitutional, and leave them, not for me, but with the intent of picking them up on their way back, rather than be lumbered with them on their perambulation.” – I have only ever done this if close to the car knowing there are no bins on the journey to come, then when back at said car I take it with me (not buckled in or anything) and stop at a bin elsewhere. There’s always a way. You’ve made me laugh a lot with this, thank you dear Pen.

    – Esme waving poo bags at him from upon the Cloud

    Liked by 3 people

  11. spwilcen says:

    Inconsiderate *******s! Were it that there were effectively two rewards for these ******s. One, 1,000/2,000 Euro/Dollar fine for every occurrence, and two, the proof of pudding as it were deposited in their living spaces.

    Liked by 2 people

    • peNdantry says:

      I’m still prepared to be persuaded that, just perhaps, some of these turd-droppers actually do intend to pick up their ‘gifts’ on their way back from their walk. In fact, whereas at first I had thought that branch-danglers were doing the equivalent of the middle-finger to the neighbourhood, if they do actually intend to pick it up later, it would make perfect sense to improve its visibility.

      I wonder if there’s a market for (fully biodegradable and non-plastic, naturally) dog-poop bags emblazoned with a legend such as, “By all means collect this and dispose of it yourself if you wish, but I have dropped this with every intention of collecting it on my return trip!”

      Liked by 2 people

  12. Your haipu is hilarious, but yeah, this is obnoxious

    Liked by 1 person

  13. wdfyfe says:

    The thing that gets me (we have plastic wrap dog poop here also) is someone took the time and trouble then just walked away. Why not just walk? I don’t have a dog but I think that’s weird. cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    • peNdantry says:

      It is bizarre. My only explanation for it is that they do leave it intending to pick it up on the return trip. I, too, don’t have a dog (and never have done). Maybe we’re missing something? I’d love to have some dog owners chime in.

      Welcome to Wibble, WD!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: Let’s Play: Spot the Poop | Wibble

  15. This is totally wonderful (this post, not the dog poop, that is!) and hilariously funny if it wasn’t such a pain in the proverbial. I’ve read all the comments, too – you can pick up (excuse the unintended pun) all sorts of little gems from reading peoples’ views. I honestly had no idea that the generous act of leaving little gifts in bushes and trees was so common. You’re doing a grand job there. Are you in the UK too? Is it the same the world over, I wonder? I’m so glad I’ve found your blog – I’m going to try and catch up on a few more of your posts over the next couple of days. Is there a name I can call you (not a rude one), or do you prefer to be anonymous? I will understand either way. It’s just nice to know who I’m talking to. Please, don’t feel obliged, though. Ellie

    Liked by 1 person

    • peNdantry says:

      Thank you very much for the compliments, Ellie! I try my level best to raise a grin as often as I can (though I’m not up to the standard of the likes of Mr. Ohh! for instance), and it pleases me no end when I hear that I’ve succeeded :D

      As for where I am: though I prefer to think of myself as a Citizen of Planet Earth, my current location is indeed the UK. Hi, neighbour! And as for my name… I am known by several handles, but I consider none of them to be ‘me’. On I am known as ‘pendantry’ – although I am not pendantry (I am me). Several of my older friends here are aware of the name my parents chose to give me. If you’re really interested in finding out what that is, it shouldn’t take you too long to discover what it is, as, not long ago I made the mistake of publishing a book under that name. In retrospect, I should really have chosen to use a pseudonym; perhaps Alan Temaficoni (I’m particularly fond of that one) as I believe it to be wise to restrict the release of personal details out into the world wild web. There are far too many, er, ‘strange’ people on this planet. Just call me ‘paranoid’ :)

      Liked by 1 person

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