To: Poop John the First of the Church of the Holy Shitters
From: A. Defaecator
You may recall that I petitioned you some weeks ago for permission to reproduce your August newsletter, which had been the cause of some welcome belly laughs. At that time, Your Highly Esteemed Posterior most graciously acceded to my request, and I have been sorely remiss in failing to furnish my end.
When I came to attempt to transplant the doings, the material in question appeared to have been defaced. I suspected the cause to be the execrable malaise known as ‘linkrot‘. Perhaps this is in the nature of things; entropy always wins.
Happily, though, through perseverance (and a lucky — nay, divinely inspired — click), I eventually located a good copy. Regrettably, all my efforts to faithfully reproduce The Droppings of Your Magnificence have come to naught. While the fault is all mine, I still want to point an accusatory finger in the direction of that insidious scourge, featuritis. Had I a gaggle of scribes and a taskmaster’s whip, I might, given time, do better. In the meantime, all I can offer is the humble link above, and a simple transcription below that lacks the pungent impact of the art of your Holiness.
I remain, Sir,
unfit to wipe your arse,
A. Defaecator, Esq.
P.S. I have yet to get myself a bum gun, though I must do this.
The Holy Shitters News, August, 2013 – Vol. 6
If we really want to straighten out all this crap we really need to think about shit.
A secular environmental religion, scientifically based, with a focus on the psychology of it all. Our ego is the culprit when it comes to dealing with climate change. We cannot save the planet. We can only save ourselves. Our current egotistical self-perception makes that prospect a dubious one at best. Meekness, humility and a realization that our shit does stink, guides us on our path to true sustainable living and climate equilibrium.
Musings from Poop John the First
There is a new religion emerging. It is not like religions of the past. It does not require faith. It does not purport to put man above the animal world. It does not require the supernatural. It does not promise life everlasting. It does not require one to look up but requires one to look down.
This is the religion of the Church of the Holy Shitters. Our religion is not a passing fad or a form of cynicism or satire. Our whole belief system is of a consistent pattern that promises an advanced lower reasoning, more human community and a new and liberated individual. Its ultimate creation will be a new and enduring relationship of each of us to ourselves, to other living creatures and to nature. Our religion makes sense as a holistic and consistent philosophy. It is both necessary and desirable.
The practices and beliefs of our religion must be seen against a background of what has gone before. It must be seen in light of the betrayal and disconnect of other religions in dealing with modern life. It must be seen in light of the Corporate State and the way in which the State dominates, exploits, and ultimately destroys both nature and humans. Its sanity and rationality must be measured against the insanity of existing “reason”. Its beliefs must be seen from the perspective that humans have lost control of the machinery of their society, and only new values, a new way of thinking and a new culture can restore control.
Our religion is a movement to bring our thinking, our society, and our lives in harmony with the revolution of technology and science that has already taken place. It demands of us a new mind—a lower transcendent reason–able to plug our species into its rightful place in nature. It demands that each of us assume a new responsibility for nature and all its living creatures. It promises a life that is more liberated, healthier and more beautiful than anything mankind has known if we only have the courage and the meekness to seize that life.
Meditation of the Month
There is a gun with which to play
It represents the Holy Shitters’ way.
Do your business and then take aim
If you’re not clean you only have yourself to blame.
We wash our cars and take our showers
Yet we go around with dirty assholes for hours.
Use the bum gun every day
Use it after to blow your shit away.
Wiping your butt is not the way
Cause it leaves things dirty for most of the day.
Other religions wear relics from religious figures or medals of saints around their necks. We believe they convey the wrong message. We instead prefer to wear amushits made from the dung of various animals.
Featured Amushit of the Month
Bullshit: Worn to inhibit untrue statements from coming out of the person’s mouth. It also serves to shield the wearer from the lies of others.
Upcoming Church Holidays
Celebrated on the First Thursday of the Month
August: Hot Air Awareness Day – A day to remind ourselves of the problems associated with climate change and how important our religion is to solving them.
The Holy Shitters Ten Commandments
Our 5th of 10
If thou hast nothing constructive to say then don’t say shit.
Sometimes you come across an article and your reaction is to say “Holy Shit!” That was the reaction I had reading this. It brought back memories and the daunting challenges we face in confronting the global environmental crisis we call climate change. Going from the present to the past I am encouraged and ready to shit in my pants …
As Poop John the First I am called on to look at things from an ass-forward, bottoms up, waste-end first perspective. Consequently, I tend to see things a little differently than most people and reach some different conclusions as a result.