Mozzy Hell

mosquitoI’m counting bouncy fluffy sheep
And drifting gently off to sleep
Her fearsome whine is all I hear
As she dive-bombs just past my ear.

Then all at once I’m wide awake
And cannot rest until I take
The life of this one tiny thing
That whizzes by me on the wing.

She will not leave: it’s her or me
(And I know which one it will be)
I listen for that sound again
As I turn on the lights, and then
I scan the ceiling and the walls.
Soon I will have her by the… balls?

My strategy is all pre-planned:
With rolled-up magazine in hand
I stalk my prey. This evil bitch
Won’t suck my blood and leave an itch.

And then I see her, sitting there
Upon the wall, without a care:
I aim – with care – and then I whack
Somehow, she dodges my attack.

I play the waiting game anew.
At last she settles down in view;
One strong, swift swipe meets with success:
It leaves a flattened, splattered mess.

Then back to bed, lay down my head;
Sigh pleasantly of dreams ahead.
But just as I begin to snore –
Oh no! That sound! It’s back once more!

There’s no way I can have missed her…
Dammit! It must be – her sister!

About peNdantry

Phlyarologist (part-time) and pendant. Campaigner for action against anthropogenic global warming (AGW) and injustice in all its forms. Humanist, atheist, notoftenpist. Wannabe poet, writer and astronaut.
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15 Responses to Mozzy Hell

  1. Sally Ann says:

    Damned mozzies, I looked like a red polka dot jumpsuit by the time I left Australia. What you need is an electric fly swat, best fiver I ever spent.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wendy says:

    Hehehehe… times many I’ve see you perform this very poem… LOL san the sense of humour though, it has to be said! 

    Liked by 1 person

  3. penelope says:

    Hi there,  really enjoyed this poem, made me laugh cos I’ve been there and bought the tee shirt.  Pen xx 

    Liked by 1 person

  4. penelope says:

    The spider’s doing fine thanks for asking   Pen x 

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lo says:

    And they’re so romantic, aren’t they? Twitching and slapping oneself on a date – mmmm, inviting! Just had that fun, recently.Also agree re phone rant. I specifically chose one for calls only, though I do use the message feature. Not text or pics, tho. So until my phone can’t receive calls, it should be sufficient for my purposes and not in need of replacing. (Tho I will admit to being tempted by the sleek design of the iPhone – but until it can drive me places and cook me dinner, I’ll hold out.) xxLo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. savvystreaks says:

    Well written, and it is so interesting! I like the rhyming and the humour.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Poetic Chick says:

    Dam good dam funny and oh I hate mozzys

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Great fun. I held a limerick competition a good while ago now, just for my regulars, and I’m sorry you weren’t around because I think you’d have come up with a few crackers Colin. *laughs*.

    This tickled me –

    I scan the ceiling and the walls.
    Soon I will have her by the… balls?

    Even trickier with moths!

    – Esme falling about upon the Cloud

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks very much for sharing the link to this hilarious poem on my blog today, PeNdantry. I so enjoyed it – it made me giggle out loud. I hope you will, at some time, consider writing more poems in this vein … Ellie 🦢

    Liked by 1 person

    • peNdantry says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Ellie! It makes me so happy when I manage to elicit a chuckle.

      There’s only one other poem I’ve penned that was an attempt to be funny: it’s called ‘Triskaidekaphobia‘. That, too, was written in July 2007 (which must have been a good month for me, I wish I could revisit it).

      Sadly, it was around that time that I began to awaken to the reality of the looming climate crisis (which is now beginning to bite), and almost all of my writings since (including my poetic efforts, most of which you can find here on Wibble) have been quite a bit darker.

      Thank you, again, Ellie.
      Humour helps us hope.
      Your giggles have encouraged me;
      When I have some time
      To try to rhyme
      I’ll contrive another comic mope.†

      † Letters scrambled via poetic licence. So, sue me.

      Sir, I admit your general rule,
      That every poet is a fool,
      But you yourself may serve to show it,
      That every fool is not a poet. – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

      Liked by 1 person

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