The Key Ring

 
I wish someone would hurry up and design the ‘ring card‘ I was wittering on about a few days ago. Because the same widget could replace keys, too.
 
The only time I’ve ever lost my car keys was when I was driving past this war memorial out Lakenheath way with my mate John. For some reason we decided to stop and have a look at it. My old car – a Vauxhall Astra it was, I loved that car, though you wouldn’t have thought so, the state it was in. I didn’t wash it often. After three years of NOT washing it, I washed it one day for an important date, parked it in Milton Keynes and then when I got back to it: there it was, gone. Stolen. I’d probably still have that car now if only I hadn’t washed it.
 
Where was I? Oh, yeah. My old car didn’t have central locking. So I was going to lock it, and John says ‘don’t bother locking it, we’re not going to be here long’. So my automatic locking-up routine was interrupted. Normally I’d do:
  1. take key
  2. lock car
  3. put key in pocket.

On this occasion (2) was replaced by ‘2. listen to my mate and for some inexplicable reason just do what he says’. I don’t remember him saying ‘look into my eyes not around the eyes into my eyes’, but I still think he must have hypnotised me somehow. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

So, we go to see this memorial and then, on the way back to the car, my automatic unlock mechanism fires up. This goes:

  1. extract key from right-hand side pocket
  2. unlock car.

This normally-infallible procedure was interrupted at (1) – the specified pocket did not contain the requisite key. After double- (and triple-) checking, I discover that the requisite key is in none of my pockets. Sweat begins to seep out, brain goes into overdrive thinking of contingency plans for breaking into car without a key / starting car without a key? / shit how do we get home.

There was a bloke nearby using a minesweeper (ok, a ‘metal detector’ but I always think of them as ‘minesweepers’). He saw us poring over the field looking for something, came over and offered to help, and he found the keys. Bloody hell, talk about lucking out.

 
Is it so much to ask that some random genius come up with non-losable keys? I suppose the trouble is that geniuses are a bit like police ossifers: there’s never one about when you need one. Oh, well…
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About pendantry

Phlyarologist (part-time) and pendant. Campaigner for action against anthropogenic global warming (AGW) and injustice in all its forms. Humanist, atheist, notoftenpist. Wannabe poet, writer and astronaut.
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